Loosing my identity

Becoming a parent can cause you to lose your sense of yourself and as a couple, as your life starts revolving around your child. They want to be with you all the time, even when you shower or go to the toilet. Although it’s hard to cherish these small moments, such as snuggles and their dependence on you, let’s try to remember that it won’t be forever.

Recently, I saw a social media post about the 2-2-1 rule, where you should have a date night every two weeks, a night away every two months, and a week-long vacation every year! I went straight to the comment section, and there were a lot of parents who felt the same way as me. This is just laughable and whoever wrote this obviously did not have kids !

With three kids, limited finances, and little family help, we’re lucky to have a date night once a year. Since our first child was born seven years ago, we’ve only had one night away together, and a week-long vacation will be like 15 years away!

I think it is natural to feel like you’ve lost your identity as a person and a couple when you become a parent. Your child’s demands can be overwhelming, and it may feel like your entire life revolves around them. Even though it may be hard to find time for yourself, it’s essential to try to prioritise looking after you ! And to cherish the small moments of connection with your child. Spending time together, even during mundane activities like going to the grocery store, can be an opportunity to bond and find joy in the everyday moments of parenthood.

It’s also so important to prioritize time together as a couple. Although it may be difficult to follow the 2-2-1 rule, it’s still vital to make time for each other. You can try to find creative ways to spend time together at home or reach out to friends or family members for help with childcare, so you can have some time alone together. My husband and I are not very good at this and sometimes it feels like we are just passing flatmates in the night .

In conclusion, if you are a parent and you feel like you have lost your identity, you are not alone ! Let’s try to find ways to connect with other adults , our partners and find some time for ourselves! A happier mum is a better mum !